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posted by: chizi on Thursday, June 18, 2009 (1 yr, 2 months, 2 wks, 4 days, 16 hrs, 4 mins ago) | 1758 views
- Be kind to your dentist - even a dentist has fillings.
- Two wrongs can make a riot.
- Gravity is a myth; Earth sucks.
- I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
- Families are like fudge. Mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.
- Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit.
- Some people are wise, and some, otherwise.
- Statisticians say "mean" things.
- A princess gets her education one knight at a time.
- The first scientists who studied fog were mistified.
- Don’t put too many adaptors into one socket. They confuse.
- What did one bee say to her neighbor? Mind your own bee’s nest.
- I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.
- "The picture of the horse is good. But where is the wagon?" "Oh, the horse will draw that."
- I was on an elevator the other day, and the operator kept calling me ’son.’ I said, ‘Why do you call me ’son’? You’re not my father.’ He said, ‘I brought you up, didn’t I?’
- I spent a lot of my money on booze, babes and fast cars….The rest, I just squandered.
- When a guy says that he likes a woman’s sense of humor, he ISN’T talking about her jokes. He’s talking about appreciating his!
- We’re a fastidious couple… I’m fast…. She’s tedious.
- If you want a pretty nurse, you’ve got to be patient.
- How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
- The more things change, the more they stay insane.
- Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bear arms.
- If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
- With everything you read about spray cans and the ozone layer it’s enough to scareosol to death.
- Many campaign promises are sound. Just sound!
- I just need enough to tide me over until I need more!
- Wrestlers don’t like to be put on hold.
- My check bounced because of insignificant funds.
- Jan. 19, 1896 the first music patent was granted. The man who received it said he got it for a song.
- I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That’s how I lost my mind.
- A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge!
- Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids!
- "I needn’t have been cloned," said Dolly sheepishly, "my family used to do exactly what I did anyway !"
- It is rumored that Bobby Fischer got bored of playing chess with Russians. He asked the association to fix his next match with some other Europeans. It seems his telegram read, " How about a Czech mate?"
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