OK, so it’s not always smart to say exactly what you are thinking at work. (Alright, it’s almost NEVER smart). But if you hold it all in, that quiet ticking sound you’ll hear is the countdown till you completely lose it. So what’s the solution? How about 1) open an anonymous email account, and 2) send this to your boss. And if you are a boss, odds are there’s someone else you’d love to send it to… So, here it is: A little office humor for you: The top 40 things you’d love to say at work.

Things you’d love to say out loud at work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet its hard to pronounce
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying
10. Ahhh…I see the ****-up fairy has visited us again
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn
14. I’m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial
23. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be..?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. Its hell with fluorescent lighting
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality
32. A cubical is just a padded cell without a door
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is done
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay.
39. You know the good thing about your bad breathe is it almost masks the fact that you never shower.
40. I know you’re trying to increase productivity and all, but don’t you think blocking porn sites is taking it a little too far? Besides, it’s the only time I get too see your wife.

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